12 Ways for Women to Negotiate a Higher Salary

Women make 79 cents for every one dollar men make (as of 2015). It will be 2059 when women reach pay parity. At the rate this is going, I will most likely be dead by then.

Therefore, after consulting with one person (myself), I have come up with 10 great ways for women to negotiate a higher salary.

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Top 12 Ways (for Women) to Negotiate a Higher Salary:

  1. You have a sex change so you can negotiate as a male.
  2. Or, spread your thighs, to claim physical dominance. 
  3. You invite Lady Gaga to sing Poker Face. 
  4. You offer to convince all the females in the office to do all the secretarial work on top of their regular duties.
  5. You will always let your male counterparts take your ideas and get all the credits.
  6. You will never show emotions at work and will never talk about your feelings.
  7. You will talk about basketball, football, baseball, and any other type of balls.
  8. You will tie your fallopian tubes so that you will never have kids and will never take maternity leave.
  9. If you already have kids, you will send them to adoption agencies.
  10. To save the company money, instead of taking male clients to strip clubs, you will strip for them.
  11. Google some tips on the world wide web, you lazy ass.
  12. If there is ever a fire in the building, you promise to save men and children first, women, last.

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