Women make 79 cents for every one dollar men make (as of 2015). It will be 2059 when women reach pay parity. At the rate this is going, I will most likely be dead by then.
Therefore, after consulting with one person (myself), I have come up with 10 great ways for women to negotiate a higher salary.
Top 12 Ways (for Women) to Negotiate a Higher Salary:
- You have a sex change so you can negotiate as a male.
- Or, spread your thighs, to claim physical dominance.
- You invite Lady Gaga to sing Poker Face.
- You offer to convince all the females in the office to do all the secretarial work on top of their regular duties.
- You will always let your male counterparts take your ideas and get all the credits.
- You will never show emotions at work and will never talk about your feelings.
- You will talk about basketball, football, baseball, and any other type of balls.
- You will tie your fallopian tubes so that you will never have kids and will never take maternity leave.
- If you already have kids, you will send them to adoption agencies.
- To save the company money, instead of taking male clients to strip clubs, you will strip for them.
- Google some tips on the world wide web, you lazy ass.
- If there is ever a fire in the building, you promise to save men and children first, women, last.