I drive my 2021 Mercari (a model of Mercedes combined with Ferrari features) to my part-time gig: teaching at a school in Harlem, New York. After I park, the teachers roll their eyes at me because they think I do this just for the positive publicity. I brush them off because I know they are just jealous of my successful and joyful life.
As I walk past them, I try to give them the middle finger but don’t because my publicist told me to be nice to everyone.
I run up the staircase in my 4 ½” pumps and settle in my classroom. I quickly powder my face and re-touch the orange redden pink lipstick I have on. I do this to deceive my students because they will realize I look like shit when I’m off-camera and not wearing two pounds of make-up.
I’m done teaching and as I’m getting into my car, a student runs over to me and gives me a big hug, thanking me for being in his life.
I push him off and say that I don’t have time for this. But, I really just wanted to quickly hide in my car so no one sees the teardrop at the corner of my left eye.
On my way home I pick up 1) organic boiled scallops in ginger and scallion sauce 2) healthy pumpkin pie 3) sautéed broccoli, brussels sprouts and spinach platter 4) Szechuan styled double cooked pork and 5) rice.
I rapidly put all the food on kitchen wares and set them on the dinner table, pretending that I just finished cooking them.
The nanny drops off son #1 and daughter #2. She tells me that the two knuckleheads learned new curse words.
I’m furious and tell the kids they are grounded for ½ hour and cannot do anything fun.
Husband arrives and tells me that he thought about me every 3 hours. Wanting the upper hand in the relationship, I pretend I don’t really care but, deep down inside I can’t stop feeling giddy.
Son #1 and daughter #1 wash the dishes while I rumba with husband.
I tell the kids if I ever hear complaints about them cursing again then I’d make them eat two servings of vegetables instead of one. They cry and apologize then promise to never say a bad word in their life again.
Late Late Night:
Husband and I tuck in the kids. I start singing a song but daughter #1 tells me to stop and have daddy sing instead. I ask her why and she said because I sound like a duck.
I run downstairs and take out the leftover spinach and bring it to her bedroom and attempt to make her eat it. She tells me she can’t because she just brushed her teeth. Husband tells me to stop acting like a baby. I try to shove the leftover vegetables in his mouth but he dodges successfully.
At this point I start to think that life is unfair.
After the kids are asleep, husband and I do a little salsa in our bedroom and then we drop dead and fall asleep.