Monologue Jokes – Week of 12/9/12

Today, The Palace confirmed that Kate Middleton is pregnant and will remain in the hospital for morning sickness. They also confirmed that Prince Harry is still naked and will remain in Afghanistan for morning wood.

Last week, the Federal Communications Commission said 90% of Americans will be able to text 911 soon. The other 10% will have to continue training their pigeons.

The Romneys were spotted at a boxing match where he wished Manny Pacquiao victory but Pacquiao lost. When asked for comment, Mitt Romney said, “Oh, I’ve been there.”

A teacher in Texas was accused of having orgies with students, giving new meaning to the phrase, “study group.”

Last week, the Federal Communications Commission chair said passengers should be able to use cellulars on airplanes. This leaves us wondering what has changed because we’ve been doing that already.




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