From: Noah, Life
Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 4:55 AM
To: Cool, Person
Subject: Out of Office: Need Your Help. Urgent!
I am currently out of the office-sleeping, eating, drinking, having fun and living.
I don’t know why you’re e-mailing me after work thinking that I’ll be constantly checking my Blackberry even after I clock out. But, this seems to be the norm at this company. I’m going to be returning tomorrow morning at 8:30 (the normal work hours), so if you need immediate assistance you’ll have to wait until then.
Please do not follow up on this e-mail by leaving me a voice mail because that will just double my work load. I’d have to read your e-mail AND listen to the voice mail that you left me which is probably going to instruct me to read your e-mail and perhaps even give me audio details about what was in your e-mail.
If you’re going to do that, please do not come by my desk at 8:31 in the morning and expect that I have read your e-mail and listened to your voicemail. Because chances are, I’ll be at the coffee machine getting my Cup of Joe for another day of madness.
If you’re going to come by my desk at 8:31 in the morning, please do not expect that I will start working on your request at 8:32. There are other employees in this company who need my assistance and their request just might be of a bigger urgency than yours.
If you really are going to insist that your request be the first to get completed on top of everyone else’s requests, then respect that it will take some time to complete. Please do not stand behind me and watch me complete it or call me every five minutes to check up on the request.
If you’re really going to do that, you better be in a higher position than I am at this company.
If you are, then I’ll be glad to complete your request first thing in the morning. =]